Ever notice how when somebody famous dies, his or her merchandise sales shoot upward? Why? The ironic thing is they can’t take their residual profits with them. Elvis sold thousands, probably millions, of records (remember vinyl records?) posthumously, didn’t see a dime of it. Well, maybe his estate did, if Col. Parker didn’t skim it all.

I’d much rather have a best-seller while I’m alive to enjoy the benefits of publishing a best-seller, namely a big fat pile of cash. After death? That’s what life insurance is for — to help out your surviving family. I bet Time Russert had a big fat insurance policy. His family doesn’t need the money, people, so stop buying his books! Buy my book! (Memo to self: You have to write it before anyone will buy it.)

I suppose this posthumous buying is kind of an expression of mourning, feeling some connection to this famous person and making a nostalgic final gesture. Buying remade recordings of Candle in the Wind didn’t help Princess Di a bit, but it sure gave Elton John (or his favorite charity) a kick in the pants. Buyers made another run when Pope John Paul II died in 2005, giving the church a boost as it was embattled in the molesting priests scandal. Don’t get me started.

Then again, I don’t think many folks were snapping up Saddam Hussein bobble-head dolls, do you? Hey, kids! Amazing lifelike action! Head pops off when you hang him! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sorry Saddam is dead. But do you really think one dead dictator and his two dead evil sons was worth the lives of 4,000 (and counting) American lives? I don’t. I didn’t in 2003 and I don’t now. Again, don’t get me started.

Come to think of it, I could make a fortune selling Saddam bobble-head dolls. Alas, somebody else already thought of it, using the Saddam caracature in South Park (the movie). Durned funny stuff, if just a tad tasteless. Picture, if you haven’t seen the movie, Saddam and Satan in bedroom scenes. Its funnier than you’d think (and even more disturbing).